Marriage Matters
1 Corinthians
7:1-40 "Marriage Matters"
July 23rd, 2000
By Pastor Dan Erickson
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Pastor
Dan's Sermon Index at the Chisholm 1st Baptist Church website
The pastor was visiting the
fourth-grade Sunday School class to talk about marriage as part of the lesson.
He asked the class, "What does God say about marriage?" Immediately
one boy replied, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they
do." Well, friends, that is not exactly a proper application of Scripture,
but I think the question "What does God say about marriage?" is a very
important one and a very interesting one. During the past fifteen years that I
have been a pastor, I have officiated at over 50 different weddings. As I have
shared with those couples some of the things which God says about marriage, I
have referred to over a dozen different biblical passages. However, I have never
used today's text, 1 Corinthians 7, in a wedding sermon. In fact, I don't
remember hearing any pastor use this chapter at a wedding. Why is that
surprising? It's because the forty verses of 1 Corinthians 7 consist of the
longest, most extensive discussion of marital issues anywhere in the Bible. If
you have a New International Version, you will see the heading of this entire
chapter is simply Marriage. As we explore the passage, however, it will
become obvious why this is a marriage text not used at weddings. 1 Corinthians 7
does not present a romantic, lofty view of marriage. If we want that, we turn
ahead to 1 Corinthians 13, where Paul describes and defines true love, or to
Ephesians 5, where he compares marriage to Christ's relationship with the
church. Those are probably the two most frequently used Scriptures at weddings.
In 1 Corinthians 7, however, Paul responds to questions that had been raised,
and he addresses some very practical issues about marriage. Though we may not be
concerned about some of these questions right now, I think there is great value
in hearing what God has to say about this topic through Paul. So, let's pause
and pray that God would help us understand and apply His Word today.
Let me explain our game plan. Next
week we are going to look at Verses 10-16 in this chapter which focus on
divorce, so today we will concentrate on the remainder of 1 Corinthians 7. This
is not intended to be a comprehensive study of what the Bible says about
marriage, nor is it to be a pep talk about getting along better with your
spouse. Those would be worthwhile things to do, but I firmly believe there is
great value in focusing our attention on the meaning and implications of this
particular passage of Scripture. So let's do that. Paul begins by reminding us
that marriage is a good thing, a gift from God. We need to keep in mind that
Paul is writing as a single man, a confirmed bachelor. His personal opinion is
reflected in 7:1b It is good for a man not to marry. It has been
suggested that Paul had been married at one time. It would have been very
unusual for a single man to sit as a member of the Sanhedrin, the Jewish ruling
council, as Paul had done before he became a believer in Christ. Some think his
wife may have left him following his conversion to Christianity. Yet, this is
total speculation, since nowhere in his New Testament letters does he make any
reference to an ex-wife. But, though being single is a good thing for Paul, he
recognizes that marriage is a genuine gift from God for others. Most obviously,
he says, it provides the context for the proper expression of human sexuality. 7:2-6,
8-9 But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife,
and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to
his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong
to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does
not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except
by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.
Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack
of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. Now to the
unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.
But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to
marry than to burn with passion. Sometimes Christians seem a bit embarrassed
by Paul's frank discussion of the marriage relationship, but even though modesty
is a good thing, we do need to come to grips with what Paul is saying. Let me
point out some of the implications.
1) The sexual relationship between
husband and wife is an important part of marriage. A lot of folks have the
impression that Christians are against sex. Wrong. We are very much for sex in
the right context, in the context of marriage. As someone said, "Sex is
like fire. In the fireplace, it's warm and delightful. Outside of the fireplace,
it's destructive." Our text gives no indication that Paul agrees with those
who say procreation, having babies, is the only valid purpose of sex. I think he
sees it as a gift from God, which, as one writer put it, is intended for
pleasure as well as for producing babies. Now, certainly there is much more than
sex involved in a good marital relationship, but it is part of the equation.
Throughout his ministry, Paul dealt with folks known as ascetics who claimed
that abstaining from food, drink and sex made one a more spiritual person. Even
though he is a confirmed bachelor, Paul says that is nonsense. Yes, on occasion
it may be good for a couple to abstain from sexual relations to focus on their
relationship with God, but in general, sexual intimacy is a normal, healthy,
wonderful part of a marriage.
Do most Christians today understand
this? I'm not sure. One recent survey found that those folks who are regular
church attendees claim to experience more sexual satisfaction than those who are
not. That's good, I think. A few years ago, however, Ann Landers received
100,000 responses to a question she asked her readers. She found that 72% of
women said they "would be content just to be held close and treated
tenderly and forget about the sex act." That is a remarkable statistic,
especially since we live in a culture which often tries to pretend sex is the
ultimate human experience. Though I think it is good that most women reject that
nonsense, it is really quite sad that so many don't see sexual intimacy with
their spouse as something desirable. Now, I suspect that men bear as much, if
not more, responsibility for this situation. Sexual intimacy is intended to be
experienced in the context of emotional intimacy and too many men are not
interested in that. I do believe, however, that Christians today need to affirm
what Paul says: That though there is much more to marriage than sex, sexual
intimacy is an important part of that relationship.
2) A good relationship with one's
spouse prevents sexual immorality. A healthy sexual relationship between husband
and wife can help them be faithful to each other. That may not seem terribly
romantic, but Paul sees that as a very good thing because, as we saw two weeks
ago when we looked at Chapter 6, he sees immorality as a very bad thing. Paul
would agree with the fellow who said, "I'm not tempted to steal a Ford
Escort parked on the street because I have a Lincoln Continental at home in the
garage." In other words, because of his affection for his wife, the man
claimed he was not really tempted by other women. Now, certainly being married
doesn't mean one is immune from sexual temptation. Many of us here can testify
to that. Paul would say, though, that it is obvious that a single person is
going to face much stronger temptation than someone who is married.
An interesting issue connected with
this point concerns when it is good for someone to get married. For many years,
the average age that people marry for the first time has been steadily
increasing. Nancy and I were 27 and 29 when we got married and that is very
normal. Many of us think postponing marriage until after someone turns 25 or
even 30 is a good thing because then the couple will be more mature and have a
stronger marriage. Some Christian leaders, such as Al Mohler, have pointed out,
however, that this really goes against what the Bible teaches in 1 Corinthians
7. There is a lot of sexual immorality that takes place between ages 20 and 30,
and obviously some of that could be prevented by earlier marriage. Now, I'm not
going to make any dogmatic statements on this issue, other than to suggest that
we need to re-evaluate whether encouraging young couples to postpone marriage
until they are "more mature" is really a good thing.
Another related issue concerns the
length of an engagement. In very practical terms, longer engagements often mean
greater sexual temptation. This is apparently the situation Paul is describing
in Verses 36-39, though there is an alternative interpretation of those verses
which I am not going to take time to explain, but if you are interested, I'll
talk to you about it later. I have a feeling Paul might say that if two people
are confident that they should get married, that this is God's will, it's silly
for them to wait 9-12 months to have a wedding. A 3- to 6-month engagement might
be much better, and a wedding really can be planned that quickly. Again, I am
not attempting to set any hard and fast rules, I'm only suggesting that we as
Christians may need to take more seriously what God is saying in this chapter.
Paul believed that marriage is inherently a good thing. The relationship of
husband and wife is a mirror to Christ's relationship to His church. Here,
however, Paul is emphasizing a practical value of marriage. When it comes to
sexual immorality, which was a big problem in Paul's culture, and continues to
be in our day, getting married is a good thing.
Secondly, Paul says that not being
married, being single, can be a good thing. 7:8 Now to the unmarried and the
widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. This thought
runs throughout the chapter, but Paul spells it out most clearly in 7:32-35 I
would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the
Lord's affairs -- how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned
about the affairs of this world -- how he can please his wife -- and his
interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the
Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit.
But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world -- how she can
please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but
that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. Now
again, Paul is not contradicting what he writes in Ephesians 5. He knows that
for most people, marriage is what God intends for them. But there are some, like
himself, who are called to remain single. Christians in that situation, he says,
need to recognize what a great opportunity they have to serve the Lord. Now,
Paul clearly expects those who are single to be chaste and avoid sexual
immorality. In our society we have a growing number of single adults. Statistics
show that 38% of adults living in the United States are not married. Most
people, however, tend to associate the "single lifestyle" not with
celibacy but with sexual promiscuity. Some folks would claim that those who are
married should be sexually faithful to each other, but that it is perfectly OK
for single people to have numerous sexual partners. Paul would say, "Wrong!
Those who want to be sexually active had better get married." A Christian
who is single needs to be committed to chastity.
Paul says the big advantage of not
being married, really the only advantage he mentions, is that single people can
devote themselves to serving the Lord. An individual who doesn't have a spouse
has more time and energy to invest in ministry. Now, I think I am a better
pastor and am able to do more for God's Kingdom because of the support and
encouragement I receive from my wife Nancy and from the boys. However, there is
no doubt Paul is right that I would have a lot more time if I did not have a
family. Especially in the summer, when I spend quite a few afternoons and
evenings at Ben's and Brady's baseball games. I know I would have more time to
do ministry if I were single. Paul is pointing out a very practical truth.
However, there are a couple of mistakes that have been made in applying this
truth. 1) Some assume that all pastors and other church leaders must be single.
That, of course, has been the rule in the Roman Catholic Church for centuries.
There is nothing in this chapter or anywhere else in the Bible which requires
that, however. Paul is clear that celibacy is a good thing, but it is not for
everybody. In Chapter 9:5, he refers to the fact that the other apostles all had
wives, including James and Peter who were main leaders in the church. We know
Peter was married because Jesus healed his mother-in-law who was suffering from
a fever. Requiring celibacy of pastors and other church workers is not biblical
and, in my opinion, not wise.
Protestants, however, are prone to
make another mistake with this text and assume that all pastors should be
married. If we think that, we are really ignoring what the text says. Yet, I
have seen a number of surveys done of congregations which are looking for a new
pastor, and it seems that it's always 75% or more of the people in the church
who say they prefer a married pastor to a single one. When I received my first
degree from Bethel Seminary in 1983, one of the reasons I thought the Lord
wanted me to continue my education was because I realized that most churches
would not be interested in having me as their pastor since I was still single at
that time. There is an unfortunate discrimination against single people in
ministry. Paul teaches that if anything, a single fellow should be able to do a
better job as a pastor than someone who is married. Now, I know some of you can
come up with all sorts of reasons why that is not the case, but I don't think we
should argue with what the Bible clearly teaches. There are some single people
who have been used by God in tremendous ways in ministry, even in protestant
churches. John Stott, an Anglican pastor from London, is probably one of the ten
most influential Christian leaders of the last century, and he was never
married. Bill Gothard, though I don't agree with him in some things, has also
been used by the Lord in great ways, even though he has never been married. When
the time comes that this congregation is looking for another pastor, I don't
think it will be anytime soon, but someday you will be, and when that happens,
don't rule out someone because they are not married.
The most important implication of
this passage, though, is that those of you who are single need to be committed
to serving the Lord. If you have never married, or if you are widowed or
divorced, you do indeed have some opportunities that those of us who are married
don't have. Now, I know you still lead very busy lives. But, please make sure
that all the discretionary time you have, when you are not working, sleeping,
etc. is not used up on recreation, entertainment and social activities. Use some
of that time to serve the Lord, either here at church or in some other ministry.
Many of you folks who are not married are already doing that, and I'm very
grateful for that, but I know a few of you really are not. Surveys say that
single adults spend more time watching television than those who are married. I
don't know if that is true of Christian singles, but if it is true of you, I
suggest you cut down on some of that television time and devote it to ministry.
If you don't think you have any gifts and abilities that can be used to serve
the Lord, or if you don't see any opportunities to be involved in ministry, make
sure you talk to me. I know I can help you figure out some better ways to use
your time than watching television or playing computer games.
The third lesson we find in our
text, perhaps the most important one for many of us, is that we need to be
content in the situation we are in. Those of you who are single need to be
content; those of us who are married need to be content. Paul puts it this way
in 7:17 Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord
assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is the rule I lay down in
all the churches. He repeats that thought with various examples through 7:24
Brothers, each man, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation God
called him to. And then in 7:25 Now about virgins: I have no command from
the Lord,... This does not mean that Paul's writing is not inspired by God's
Spirit and thus not God's Word. No, he simply means that there are no commands
which Jesus gave while He was on earth that apply in this situation. Paul still
writes under the inspiration and with the authority of God's Spirit. He
continues, 7:26-28 Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for
you to remain as you are. Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you
unmarried? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and
if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many
troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. Now, when Paul says
that those who marry will face many troubles, he is not making a general
statement. He really does think marriage is a good thing. Again, if you doubt
that, just read Ephesians 5:22 and following verses. Because of what he calls in
verse 26 "the present crisis," he thinks staying single is a good
thing. What is the present crisis to which he is referring? Bible scholars have
been trying to figure that out for a long time. Some suggest he is talking about
the seven-year great tribulation which will precede the return of Jesus Christ
to the earth. But, if that were the case, no Christian should have ever gotten
married in the past 2000 years, since the Lord's return is certainly much closer
today than it was in Paul's time. Others have suggested he is talking about a
time of great persecution, but history doesn't have any record of this in that
area at that time which would have fit with what Paul is saying. The best guess
is that Paul was probably talking about a severe famine which did occur
sometimes in that part of the world. Paul gives very practical advice. It is
easier to feed one mouth than two, and if kids come along it makes it that much
more difficult. If someone is married, he certainly didn't want to get divorced.
It might be wise, however, for those who are not married to postpone any wedding
plans until that present crisis subsides.
What does this have to do with us
living in the 21st Century? It is a reminder to us to be content. It is funny
how many people really do assume that the grass is greener on the other side of
the fence. They think that way about their job, their location, their church,
and even marriage. So many single people think all their problems would be
solved if they could just find a spouse. Some folks who are married tend to envy
those who are not, because they think the single life offers so much more
freedom. Others want to be married, they just wish they were not married to the
person they are. It is all foolish. We need to learn to be content in the
situation where God has called us to be. That is the true path to happiness. As
someone said, "Success is having what you want, happiness is wanting what
you have." A big part of contentment is being able to see the positive
aspects of whatever situation we happen to be in. Bible commentator Matthew
Henry was able to do that, even after being robbed. He wrote this in his diary:
"Let me be thankful... *first, because I was never robbed before; *second,
because although they took my wallet, they did not take my life; *third, because
although they took all my money, it was not much; *fourth, because it was I who
was robbed, not I who robbed."
Friends, I hope you don't ever get
robbed, but I encourage you to have the attitude in other aspects of life. If
you are married, you should be thankful every day that God has provided you with
your spouse. No, he or she is not perfect, but you probably are not either, and
your partner is indeed a gift from the Lord. If you are not married, there is
nothing wrong with keeping your eyes open for "Mister or Miss Right."
But, you should be thankful that for at least today, God has called you to be
single. If that is the situation God wants you to be in, it's a great situation
in which to be. We need to learn to be content.
Friends, people who are married and
people who are single do face different circumstances and problems in life. But
one thing is the same, whether married or single, we each need to trust and obey
the Lord in whatever situation we find ourselves. May the Lord help us to do
that in the week ahead.
Copyright 1998- 2000 First Baptist Church Chisholm, MN.
