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Strong Willed Child Spanking, Why, When, How Strict Father, Lenient Mother Wayward Daughter Q & A: Contents
           

A single mother wonders when she should stop spanking her daughter.

The editor provides some practical guidelines for when spanking should no longer be used with children as well as a reminder that single parents must use twice the energy when disciplining children to make up for the missing parent!


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When to Stop Spanking Your Children

Q: Dear Mark and Sallie,

You seem to have done such a great job with your two kids. Up until what age did you continue to use spanking with them? It's a decision we are trying to make.

Jenny

A: Dear Jenny,

We used it until we no longer needed it. My wife thinks we didn't need to spank them after they were 8 years old, perhaps we might have threatened it once or twice when they pre-teens. The object of discipline is to create a compliant attitude. It requires a measure of skill in application to develop a habit of habitual obedience in young children. We were diligent with our children when they were young and one result was that they responded well to our authority as they grew older.

If you haven't trained your children to habitual compliance then you may handicap yourself by putting the rod away too soon. Some teenagers may benefit from a good seat warming at times. The rod is appropriate whenever children display defiance, rebellion, or willful disobedience. We never made a conscious decision to stop using it, just found that a sharp reprimand worked as well with our children for sins of attitude as they grew older. We never told our kids they were too old for it either, we just didn't find it necessary :)

Mark and Sallie

Jenny Replies:

Dear Mark and Sallie,

Thank you so much for your response. As a single parent, it's hard at times not having the direction of a husband regarding discipline. Your advice in this area is so helpful to me. Thank you so much, from me and from my children.

Jenny

Our Reply:

Dear Jenny,

I've made it a point of reminding single parents that they must discipline with more energy since they are acting both as mother and father. It is a real challenge and perhaps you might sometimes feel like you do nothing but discipline.

To keep things in perspective, if you are as quick to say a kind word of approval when your children do something right and to be diligent to love and hug them, you can be strict and demanding. Your children will thrive in the knowledge they are loved and disciplined. They will be challenged to grow and develop into individuals that you can be proud to know later as adults.

Never be afraid to admit your own mistakes, but use scripture as the moral source of your authority and teach them to read and study it as the source of character and wisdom for success in life.

Regards,
 Mark and Sallie

Jenny's Response:

Mark and Sallie,

Thank for the encouragement. It's hard to remember that I do have to exert that additional energy in disciplining. It would be so nice to be able to just call you up and ask if you could give a hand with it! 

But your helpful support is a blessing. I like your comment about going out of my way to praise and support the positive things with equal enthusiasm as I might criticize or punish the negative things. Definitely something to keep in mind.

Thanks again, I deeply appreciate it.

Jenny