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Strong Willed Child Spanking, Why, When, How Strict Father, Lenient Mother Wayward Daughter Q & A: Contents
           

When it seems as if a father has to spend most of his time home with his children applying discipline, he begins to to feel that something's not quite right.

It takes coordination between parents to make sure that they maintain a constant environment where children can expect the same standard to be applied with both parents.  Read how this family is maintaining order in their home!


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Q&A Letters Section

  

 

Double Trouble Part 2: Dealing With a Strong Willed Twin

Q:  Dear Mark, I would like to resume our correspondence on discipline matters.  Most of all, I’d like to have your opinion on the matter I’ve raised in my last letter, i.e. if it’s right that mothers do the largest part of disciplining in our family, as I suppose it happens in most other families. With a demanding job, most fathers are simply not at home when they are needed.  At the same time, is it correct that having come back at the end of the week, sometimes only on Saturday evening, Sunday is spent by having to chastise one’s children? 

This is really a problem for me now.  Laura is not an easy child, as you well know, and requires constant attention.  She is very affectionate, and we love her dearly, but she just needs frequent discipline.  Now I've accepted that she has a special need for that, and we must be up to it.

We’ve finally have come to accept that we should use a paddle. We hope that by using it we’ll have to spank less. We had more problems this summer, with Laura, but also with Sandro. He isn’t accustomed to regular discipline. Her mother tended to give him a slap on the face, if angry, but she tends to be rather inconsistent in discipline matters.

But she is very willing to follow Johanna’s advice: she is eight years younger than her and listens to her ‘big sister’. So I’ve procured a wooden flat paddle, it’s light and thin, four inches wide and ten inches long. I need your opinion on this matter.  I feel that we cannot use the paddle only for Laura.

If it’s introduced, it should be used for all the children, even Marco or Anna, if needed . Do you agree ?  

Moreover, on the practical side. We have always given our children over the knee spanking ; is it advisable to spank in this manner if using a paddle? Or should we have to stay at some distance and place the child on a bed or leaning over a desk ? But I can’t imagine any of my children staying there in place waiting for the next spank: s/he would just run away.

 When we spank them over the knee, they resist strongly, at least at the beginning, but it is not difficult to keep the child in position. How did you do with your children ?

I have some idea about an article on the corporal punishment of children, and how recent research and public opinion trends seem to indicate that a substantial part of parents, and even opinion makers, at least in the English speaking world, are supporting it more than in the recent past. I would contrast this situation with the European one, where children’s rights rhetoric is still dominant.  If, and when, I’ll have a draft ready, I’ll send it to you for an opinion.

RJ

A: Dear RJ,  so good to hear from you again.  The woman is charged with the early discipline of children and scripture says in Proverbs that it is to the mother's shame if the child is left to their own.  This indeed implies that God expects mothers to discipline the “little” children most of the time.  If you travel for business, it is important that most of your children’s contact with you, as their father, not be exclusively while they are bent over your knee for a spanking!  If your wife

If Laura needs a spanking one hundred times a day, then discipline her one hundred times.  If your wife is doing most of the discipline in your absence she should continue to discipline the children while you are at home so the children’s view of you is balanced as one who provides affection and love, not just discipline during the time you spend with them.  

However, you should be sensitive to the demands on your wife for the burden of this daily discipline by assuming your share of it when you are home for longer periods.  It is important that your children have the expectation that neither you nor your wife will tolerate disobedience.  And of course it is important that you both use the same standards for the severity and frequency of discipline as it would be unfair to your children for you to do otherwise.  It is also quite important that you recognize and encourage your wife for her labors in the realm of child discipline, for it is a lot of work to properly discipline children!

Remember that when it comes to the application of discipline, there are two people to be trained first before any training with children takes place.  Mom and Dad must come under God’s authority and be trained to obey God in their daily living, so they are not disciplining as they see fit, but disciplining in order to follow God’s will for the raising of the children he gives!  We cannot impose our own will, which tends to be capricious, it should be His will that rules in our homes.

I agree that all your children should be spanked using the rod.  You can spank them differently as required, (harder or less as appropriate for the offense and the temperament of the child in question)

As to pulling away from a spanking, I don't think your children would pull away if they knew that the spanking would start over, every time they pulled away! Children are much more practical in these matters than we give them credit for.  They know how to act when it regards their own best interest if we are not fooled by their antics.  But they will look to see the determination in your eyes and test your resolve first.  If you let them run away from the spanking you are teaching them that they are rewarded to disobey and that would is not a good lesson to result from a spanking so don't let them run away!

We normally retired to the bedroom to apply discipline, leaning them over the bed after they were over 2 years old.  When they were toddlers we spanked on the spot at the place of disobedience,  except when out of the home.  We would occasionally make a trip to the automobile from a public place but this was not frequently required as we made sure that it would be remembered well so they knew when we threatened to make such a trip that it was to be avoided!  

As far as resisting, if they did not cooperate, the first spanking was for the transgression.  The next would be for not staying still for the spanking.  And if they screamed and made a fuss they could also be spanked for the fuss as we required them to cry softly.  We normally gave them a period to compose themselves before a special time of hugging and reassurance to remind them of the reasons for the discipline as well as assuring them of our forgiveness and affection.  

Regards,

Mark